With open hands and open hearts
The last time that I wrote, I shared that I was struggling with some things personally and spiritually. I believe that when you struggle with something, it is so hard to talk (or even write about) what you are struggling with. Through all of this, I have seen the Lord’s goodness. Each time, I saw him place someone in my life who had recently gone through a similar situation. Someone to pray with me, keep me accountable, and just check in on me. Accountability and community have meant so much to me in the last eight months.
In the last two months, Nicholas and I have been seeing lots of change happen in our lives. We have started to look for houses, pray about Nicholas pursuing ministry and eventually seminary, and also managed a growing photography business.
Now, I am very much a person who loves to have a 5-year plan. The fact that I cannot see where I will be in five years scares me. The more variables that are added, the harder it is for me to define a plan and the more that I tend to try and “fix” situations to be able to have a plan. I am so prone to “fixing the problem” that I try to ignore what God is trying to show me.
I have been praying that God takes away my anxieties and worries about the future. I have been praying that God shows me how to find joy and comfort in every situation, rather than being upset because what is placed in front of me may not fit into my plan. I am reminded of our love that we have placed in Christ and his love that he places in us. In 1 John 4, looking at the latter part of verse 16 through verse 19; we see such wonderful hope.
FEAR IS A LIAR
The verse that says, “there is no fear in love; instead perfect love drives out fear” really brings me so much hope. I may not see a clear and definitive plan ahead, but what I can always count on is that the love of God will never waver or fade out. My plans may change and I may be fearful of them, but I have an unfearing God who loves me unconditionally, even when I find it hard to love myself.
SURRENDERING ALL
When I really think about all of the things that I am so anxious and nervous about, I find their source comes from not fully surrendering them to the Lord. God calls us to give our cares and anxieties to Him and only Him. I don’t think anyone ever gives all their cares to God this side of heaven. When I pray, I tend to give God a laundry list of immediate needs and rarely bring up my future. I worry so much about something that isn’t really mine in the first place. From now on, I am going to pray with open hands and hearts, giving it all to Him each and every time.
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