Before I was saved, dating seemed like just another thing to be doing. It was normal and somewhat expected. If you’re anywhere in or past your teens, dating is a thing to be doing because it’s what everyone is doing. Was there an intentional purpose behind it? Not for me anyways. I dated because my friends dated. I dated because it seemed like fun, so why not partake?
Dating in 2020 American culture is quite casual. There doesn’t need to be an end goal. There doesn’t need to be intentionality. It doesn’t need to be so serious.
But, as you can probably guess of where I’m going with this, if we’re looking to glorify God, dating needs to be intentional. But let me back up a bit.
In a time where everything is hard to navigate—and maybe we shouldn’t even blame it on the times—everything is hard to navigate. Everything is hard to navigate in a fallen world. However, dating and romantic relationships seem to be especially tricky. How do we do this in a way that pleases Christ? How do we do this when there is no specified “dating” bible verse?
I’m going to state the obvious here: dating should be used for finding one to marry. I’d also like to mention marriage isn’t for everyone. As you can glorify God in marriage, you can glorify him in singleness. Jesus was single all his life (at least, there were no biblical accounts of his marrying). There are ways to serve God in singleness that can’t be done in marriage and vice versa. Marriage isn’t for everyone.
Biblical dating
If, then, we are looking to date someone with a God-glorifying mindset, we must look to the Word for direction. You’ve probably heard a youth pastor or a leader of the sort say, “the Bible is silent about dating.” And while, yes, there is no verse that speaks of the romantic relationship that happens before marriage, is dating not another form of a relationship? Matthew 22:35-38 says,
“One of them, an expert in the Law, tested him with this question: ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’
Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Both of these commandments are relational. The greatest command is a relation with God—the second, others. You must love God first, and love your neighbor thereafter. What does this mean concerning dating?
As your neighbor
Well, if you love others as yourself, you will put their interests first. If you’re interested in a relationship, consider if there are selfish motives behind it. Is it because you want to appear wanted? Is it because you’re wanting someone to give you the attention ‘you need’? Is it because all of your friends are dating/engaged/married and you feel left out? Consider your purpose behind wanting to date in the first place.
If you are loving others as yourself as Jesus commands you will look to serve, love, and value the other person as Jesus values them. If you are intentionally dating for marriage, you won’t ‘play games’ or toy with their emotions, because that’s not how Jesus calls us to act toward others.
With all your heart, soul, mind
The greatest commandment is to love God. I wish I had pursued this verse when I started dating. Loving God most means relationships with others come second. In fact, Jesus said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” -Luke 14:26
Of course, this is not calling us to hate others. It is instead a comparison to show the love we have for God is a love unlike any other relationship we experience. Romantic relationships are not excluded.
It can be quite easy to put a significant other before God when you’re infatuated with them. They become your whole world, your whole life. The decisions you make and the life you live revolve around them. And when this happens, you fall into a dangerous pit of idolization.
This was the struggle I had the most when dating, and I heavily regret not putting my love for God first. Nothing apart from God satisfies. No amount of money will satisfy, no career will satisfy, no person will fully satisfy.
What happens when Matthew 22:36 is not lived out is that if hope is not placed in God, it is displaced elsewhere. When hope is displaced, it will ultimately fail. And when it fails, you are left confused, empty, and broken.
Wrapping up
A dating relationship should exist to find a partner to marry. Marriage exists to emulate Christ’s relationship with his church—us. To date with God in mind means putting Him first in all your decisions and putting your significant other second. You are placed last.
Since this is somewhat relevant and I just like acronyms, a leader once shared to truly have joy, you must live out the acronym of joy:
Jesus
Others
Yourself
And I believe this can be replicated in dating life. Putting the other person you’re dating before yourself showcases Jesus. Putting Jesus before anything showcases his glory.
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